Hancock’s TV act is a sickening ploy
Never mind crawling through a tunnel overflowing with vermin while maggots rain down on your head. The real threat to Matt Hancock is the humans in the jungle. The faces of the other candidates when the former health secretary first entered the camp on Wednesday evening were an absolute picture. And this photo is of Edvard Munch The Scream.
Producers of I’m a celebrity… Get me out of here! may think they played blind dropping one of Britain’s most unpopular men in the Australian bush. Granted, the ratings will be off the charts for the most excruciating yet hilarious hour of television in recent memory. Call it Cringe comedy. Credit where credit is due, Matt Hancock’s lack of self-awareness is so astounding it’s practically a superpower.
“There are so few ways for politicians to show that we are human beings,” he explained, putting on his sincere listening face, when asked by broadcaster and fellow celebrity Charlene White. how he could quit his job when the UK was in crisis. .
“Oh Rishi is great, the government is stable,” the MP for West Suffolk replied casually.
Hancock’s rehabilitation strategy, presumably forced into him by a reputation management firm, is pretty clear. First, soak up all the punishment the public can inflict by voting for you to do a record number of Bushtucker tries. Swallow the opossum’s penis and hope it eclipses the affair you had during lockdown when your own draconian rules said people from different households weren’t allowed to have sex. Then, hopefully, viewers can start to feel sorry for you and forget about that tin bully who told scared kids they might “kill Granny.”
Remember the Cabinet Minister who claimed to have ‘thrown a ring of protection around care homes’ when thousands of elderly people actually walked out of hospital to sow Covid among residents and cause their deaths? Well, Hancock is clearly crossing his fingers that this incompetent lie will be rebranded as a happy good sport and a national favorite.
Could this work? The British have a gleefully sadistic side that loves to ridicule fools. When illusionist David Blaine spent 44 days, with only water to drink, in a plexiglass box above the River Thames, Americans were left in awe of his epic fast. The Brits held barbecues nearby so he could smell the meat roasting.
On the other hand, we also have a strong sense of fair play and don’t like to see anyone being bullied. Matt is already attracting sympathy on social networks. If he put on a brave performance in last night’s Tentacles of Terror trial, that support could grow (although many of us would gladly see the wally fail).
Where Hancock’s takeover plan fails is in ignoring the hostility and knee-jerk reluctance of his fellow celebrities. Mike Tindall, former England rugby champion and son-in-law of the Princess Royal, had already established himself in the jungle as an extremely friendly and brilliant giant. “Bull—-, bull—-, bull—-,” Mike called after just three minutes of Hancock’s prepared apology. I nailed it.
The friendly camaraderie of the camp froze immediately when the disgraced curator entered. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a boomerang. Boy George, who was unable to visit his mother in hospital during the lockdown, expressed general unease, complaining: “I don’t want to be here having fun with him.”
Blimey, the show’s producers will be in a major dilemma if their star signing issues an ultimatum “It’s Hancock or me.” I think things could explode very quickly.
Boy George brings up a serious point (not a sentence I ever thought I’d write). As the Covid investigation continues, families who have suffered under ministerial dictates that forbade people to see their dying relatives will recoil at this brazen performance by one of the main instigators of this inhumanity. Matt Hancock takes advantage of their pain.
I am a celebrity… specializes in mock proofs for light entertainment purposes. When the horn goes away, the trial is over and the laughter resumes. The ordeals of containment were real and the evil continues, and continues.
Matt Hancock shows no sign of understanding the misery caused by his regulations. Nor how outrageous his hypocrisy was to those who obeyed the rules. “There are so few ways for politicians to show that we are human beings,” he complained. Well, one way would be to empathize. Big luck. The man has such thick skin that crocodiles will wear Hancock purses.